I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
