He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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