I'm pants shitting drunk right now
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
