its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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