I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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