you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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