trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
