glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
