You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
