So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
