dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
