There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
