I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
