3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
