if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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