why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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