my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
