I heard we made out
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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