I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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