would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
