Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
