If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
