I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
