You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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