this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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