If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
