I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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