I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
