I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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