the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
