You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
