Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
