Define "chronic" masturbator.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
