fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
