I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
