We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
