mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
