Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
