Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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