just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
