About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i will never coherently bang her
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
