I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
