wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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