If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
