But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
