I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
