Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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