New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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