so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
