Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
