Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You don't make any sense
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