Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
