living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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